Sex, Sexuality & Fertility

Posted on: Fri, Jan 8 2010 4:05 PM

Posted by: BeautifulDisaster Posts: 228

Recently I've been feeling more positive about life. I still hurt and miss my ex terribly but I can breath without agony once again. I can see postive things in my life once again... like the buds of spring I these are hints that life is coming back into my veins. I think it's premature but I'm wondering how will I know when I'm ready to date again? I feel silly and like I should know this at 30 but i dunno this one's different. I'm not sure if I wait for the fear of being hurt to go away, or my pain to disappear and faith in love to return... well I'm not sure I'd ever date again. So what should I look for? What are the signs that I'm reasonably healed enough to give myself a nudge and leap into the dating world?

Posted on: Sat, Jan 9 2010 10:07 AM

Posted by: mcjane Posts: 1,293

Good question.  Maybe when you stop reading HIS horoscope first.  Or when he is not the last thing you think of before going to sleep and the first thing you think of on awakening.  Or when every car that looks like his does not capture your attention.  Do you know how many little white cars there are?  I got whiplash!

At 30 you are much too young to give up on love!  Or romance...or sex.  Or any and all of the above. At 56 I'm old and experienced enough to feel I have given it my best shot. But I'm ready to put my toe in those waters again...so to speak.  I haven't had a relationship in 3 years and I've been paraplegic almost 2 1/2.  It's like being a virgin.  I have no idea what it would be like!  I can't decide if I should look among the disabled because it would be good to have someone who understood the lifestyle, or find an able bodied to make things easier.  But if you believe Kahlil Gibran...you don't look for love...it finds you.  Have you read The Prophet?

I used to be very adventurous in romance and if one didn't work out my motto was "NEXT".  But after a long list of losers, users, and abusers now I shudder at the thought and think "WHAT next?"  Apparently I'm  not a very good judge of character.  They ought to go back to arranged marriages, where trained professionals make the decision for you....lol

Posted on: Sat, Jan 9 2010 12:03 PM

Posted by: TriDog Posts: 2,800

BD,

I'm gonna be my normal self and not pull my punches on your question.  First, you're never gonna "heal" until you want to.  You need to start being positive in ever aspect of your life.  Only being and thinking positive is going to help change things.  Perhaps starting with your sign in name.  Beautiful Disaster?   Beautiful is great, but I'm sure you're no disaster.   You strike me as a beautiful young woman with plenty of love and laughter to give the world.    How about changing to Beautifully Perfect?  Mmmm, not bad! I like that one.

Being in a relationship is a wonderful thing, but you've got to take the risk.  The odds are pretty damn good that you'll get your heart broken again, but it's worth the risk.  Hell, after seeing your picture, I'd guess you've probably broken a few hearts yourself along the way. What's the alternative?  Spending the rest of your life alone?  Becoming the crazy old cat lady on the street that moms tell their children to stay away from?  Is that any kind of life?  I've got faith in you. Stop worrying about what's happened in the past and look foward to tomorrow.     

Posted on: Sat, Jan 9 2010 1:43 PM

Posted by: BeautifulDisaster Posts: 228

lol tridog thanx for hanging out the "no whining" sign as always. i am working on the more positive point of view but, as i'm sure you know, it's easier to sit down and hang out in a pile of crap then wade through it. i am working on moving foward though my progress is slow... which is why i started this thread. i'm not the most objective when it comes to things right now and i'm looking for objective points of view. lol and no i will not change my name! beautifully perfect is just obnoxiously egotistical! While becoming an ego maniac may be progress toward something I'm certain it's not really the type of progress i wanna make.  and no my kanine friend.. i've never broken a single heart.. not that i've had a huge number of relationships but still. I'm not a quiter and unlike most of the modern world i get that you don't always like the person you love but it doesn't change the fact that you love them. it's a choice and i never choose to quit on whats most important and that is the people i love. i run into many who agree with my values unfortunately it usually turns out to be nothing more then lip service.  

Posted on: Sat, Jan 9 2010 2:04 PM

Posted by: Pao Posts: 209

BD.

I never thought I'd say this, but that Tridog is a daen good relationship expert. He's right-on ya know. Just live. love, learn, always laugh or move on. Real life is always waiting so smile amd be happy...Pao 

Posted on: Sat, Jan 9 2010 2:37 PM

Posted by: castlesburning Posts: 11

I don't think there are any specific "signs," but rather you'll just know, when you meet someone with potential...

Personally, I can't say. I haven't met anyone in these past few years since I've had difficulty walking who's wanted to deal with it, although I think I'm a fairly decent, smart individual with a good sense of humor, holding a steady job, etc. But I meet guys, they take one look at me struggling to walk, and I never hear from them again. So, I'm 29, but I've basically given up on the possibility of ever finding anyone. It just hurts too much to go through all that, and I have enough "real" pain and issues going on with it, you know? 

Posted on: Sat, Jan 9 2010 5:09 PM

Posted by: BeautifulDisaster Posts: 228

I completely empathize castle. God knows the prospect of investing my heart in another person ever again is terrifying and the thought of all the duds I hafta go through to find him.. To think of all the crap the assholes will put me through to find that one fantastic love... well thats the worst thought. And since my breakup last winter assholes have been lining up left and right.. they smell fresh meat and it's like damn sharks! All of them trying to present themselves as a nice guy, all of them thinking I don't get that they just wanna be the rebound fling. All of them shocked that I wouldn't be jumping the bones of anything that wants me to prop up my ego. Hah! can't prop up whats been completely shattered! However they have been good to resharpen my flirting skills. Anyway, good guys where are ya? These idiots are just gonna make me cynical about men and I dun wanna be cynical. Hello... good guys.... can ya hear me now?

Posted on: Sat, Jan 9 2010 5:27 PM

Posted by: Katinka Posts: 74

Hi BD,

I'm definitely of the 'don't give up' school. There are always risks in getting involved but usually what we learn about ourselves make the risks worthwhile. And it should be said, I went on some of my most interesting and hottest dating adventures After 35--not that you have to wait that long! Give yourself time to heal, and when you can look at men without seeing his face, love may show up when you least expect it.