Certain people have a way of saying things that shake us at the core. Even
when the words do not seem harsh or offensive, the impact is shattering. What
we could be experiencing is the intent behind the words. When we intend to do
good, we do. When we intend to do harm, it happens. What each of us must come
to realize is that our intent always comes through. . . .. What we owe to
ourselves and everyone around is to examine the reasons of our true intent. ~ Thurgood
Marshall quotes (American
Jurist
and Lawyer.
1908-1993)
I was browsing through questions on Yahoo! Answers as I sometimes do. There are many fun things
there. I was particularly drawn to one question: "Why are some disabled people so
mean?" It piqued my attention because I am disabled, and I don't think I
am mean. The asker explains that he tried to help a disabled woman by opening
the door and was greeted with a dirty look, like maybe he was going to rob her,
and certainly with no thanks. He said that had happened before, so he was not
going to help any more disabled people.
Many responders to this particular question said they had experienced the same
thing. Several people suggested asking before you help; if you don't, it
"usually earns you a dirty look." One answer suggested maybe the
response was not because the woman was disabled, but because she was old. So
maybe we should ask, "Why are some old people mean?" One
respondent said, "Some disabled people hate the world. Cuz they think
everybody owes them. (They suck)." That was almost as disturbing as the
question.
It is true that some disabled people are mean, as are some able bodied, and that
was acknowledged in the answers. Many suggested the woman might have been
having a bad day or that he might have frightened her, but their answers were
generally respectful to the questioner.
Then there was a post on Disaboom concerning a telephone menu at a mental hospital. There were mixed
comments. Some were greatly offended, some thought it was funny, and then some
neither flinched nor laughed. Concensus is that people should not make fun of
people with a disability, but most did not believe that was the intent of the
post.
There are other posts, other questions, some seem thoughtless, some even
offensive. There are plenty of people who want to help but don't know
how. Our responses to all of them can be positive. Our intent in
responding can be to enlighten rather than criticize. We all need a laugh
sometimes, or at least a smile, and we all need to relax a little and assume
their intent is not malicious.
I know there will still be people who don't want help, who value their
independence and don't want to give it up. There will be people who scowl when
they hear a joke that highlights a frailty. I will assume their
intentions are honorable, because mine is. I just don't want to be one of
those mean disabled people.
