The world of having a disability is always a bit unnerving to virgin, able-bodied ears. I mean if you’re not used to it, everything from wheelchairs to catheters to PCA’s is all uncomfortably foreign, kinda like what it must feel for a redneck if he visited Bombay, India. But I digress.
I hate making people feel uncomfortable (ok, so maybe I don’t), but I have another equally uncomfortable disability nuance/secret to share with you: There is actually a surgery you can get that enables you to pee out of your belly button (yes, really). And I got it. w00t! You’re probably thinking why in the world this would be a good thing and why is this girl w00ting over this, but have you ever peed into a Mountain Dew bottle in public, at a concert, without anyone around you knowing what the hell you were doing?
I have. And it was awesome! No porta potty lines FTW! This also just so happens to be a surgery commonly suggested for women with spinal cord injuries so they can manage their bladders independently (bladders also become paralyzed in most people with spinal cord injuries. not fun)
I had this bad ass Frankenstein-esque surgery in 2005 after suffering from a failing
Foley catheter system, which I had been using for the previous 10 years. To create this new ‘plumbing’ system, doctors had to open me up pretty good (the only drawback to the surgery is the recovery time, which is 1 week in the hospital, and another month before you can use the hole to cath), move my bladder up so it was closer to my belly button, then they used part of my large intestine to make the conduit to connect the belly button to the bladder.
Once it all heals, it works so seamlessly it’s almost hard to believe. You see pee coming out of the clear catheter stuck in your belly button and you’re like OMGZ THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING. But hey, after being paralyzed since 1993 and having to strap a bag to my leg and all that for a decade, this was a majorly nice change.
For more info on this surgery, dubbed the Mitrofanoff procedure,
clickety.
