Tiffiny
Tiffiny
Minneapolis, MN
Female
Single

Using a wheelchair: The ultimate people-filter

Posted: 3/26/2009 at 01:58 PM

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You’d think using a wheelchair would totally suck when it comes to the always tricky endeavor of making new friends. And I used to think this way too. But then, not so long ago, I came to the exciting realization that my wheelchair acts as the ultimate people filter.

Only jerks, mean people, insecure people, and douche bags purposely avoid befriending anyone in a wheelchair. This is true.

So I began thinking about all of the people in my life, all of my friends…all of the men I’ve loved, and I began to see them for who they really are. If all of them can overlook my disability and not give a rat’s ass about my very obvious physical impairment, then they must be the best of the best. I’m talking the cream of the crop. And I thought - “Wow, I’m actually really lucky (in this area of life) that I use a wheelchair!”

I believe it takes a very confident and mature person to really (and I mean really, really) see past my wheelchair, and instead see Tiff: The wacky 29 year old woman who just loves David Bowie and has gorgeous bleached blonde hair. I’ve had such amazing friends since becoming injured. I’ve literally had friends who’ve forgotten I couldn’t walk and for a split-second and were confused as to why I didn’t stand up when we were ready to leave the restaurant.

And this is the best kind of thing that can happen to you if you‘re like me. If your friends forget, then you know they sincerely see you for you.
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  • Finetooner wrote on Mar 26, 2009 at 1:14 PM
    Nice blog, Tiff. In my job as a facilitator/developer for Atlantic Southeast Airlines we have two service maxims when assisting passengers with disabilities: 1) See the passenger, NOT the disability; followed closely by 2) Ask the passenger if you can help. Those two work pretty well anywhere. Those of you with disabilities, please don't resent us for asking if we can help. People are not acting out of pity or obligation; They simply want to help because they enjoy helping. It's as simple as that. Having been badly injured and temporarily disabled as a youth and now manifesting some permanent mobility impairments, I'm out there as an advocate endeavoring to change peoples' attitudes towards the disabled population - one person at a time.
  • Using a wheelchair: The ultimate people-filter | BeautyAbility wrote on Mar 26, 2009 at 1:21 PM
    Pingback from Using a wheelchair: The ultimate people-filter | BeautyAbility
  • Luno wrote on Mar 26, 2009 at 2:05 PM
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    Clearly, they're not missing out on just you, they're oblivious to the fact that wherever you go, you're in an awesome low-rider. ;) For having only met you in person just once, I saw someone who was articulate, amusing and fun to hang out with - just like everyone else in that group. I really don't understand why people are hung up on bodies and obsesses over finding limitations, rather than finding abilities in someone.
  • COURAGE wrote on Mar 26, 2009 at 2:51 PM
    Well said Tiffiny. ..."the best kind of thing that can happen". I'm glad you got to experience that. I have too. Awesome.
  • Tiffiny wrote on Mar 30, 2009 at 1:05 PM
    luno...who are you? :)
  • nasdoug wrote on Apr 1, 2009 at 11:00 AM
    nice! i think i was about the same age when i came to that conclusion. i've walked on crutches since i was old enough to walk. recently i've spent more time in a chair and it's like a study in human behavior. there are people that help you with a door or other acts of kindness. then there are the people who will rush across the parking lot to help you with a door. (i wonder what they think i would do if they weren't there) but i smile and say thank you. then there are the people who let it close on you as you're walking up and they're going through the door. people are people, good ones and some who are just caught up in the turmoils of their own lives. but it does make for fun observations of human nature. i wouldn't change it for the world. and i wouldn't trade those special people who are a part of my life. thanks for your thoughts tiff. you made a difference in countless peoples lives i assure you.
  • Tania wrote on Apr 2, 2009 at 2:02 PM
    I completely agree. The only true friends I've had are those who treat me as they would anyone else, wheelchair or no wheelchair. They have been the most trustworthy people in my life, and I wouldn't trade their friendship for anything. If people choose to see my wheelchair before they see me, and treat me accordingly, they are not worth my time or attention.
  • Nonay417 wrote on Apr 2, 2009 at 2:55 PM
    Tiffiny, I love your attitude! I am also 'on wheels' (due to MS complications),and have found a new definition of "friendship".I've also realized that true friends are rare.
  • ImagineMDD wrote on Apr 10, 2009 at 2:05 PM
    I have a brother-in-law who, legend has it, originally grew his hair long, took to wearing a headband, and really changed the way he dressed overall as a 'people filter' just as you're saying. A friend of mine says the tattoo around her upper arm does something like that. My Mom used to say, "Don't let the turkeys get you down." I use a wheelchair only sometimes. I'm not a different person at all when I'm sitting there, but you're right. Some people just cannot handle being around you. When I am in a wheelchair, I'm at my worst and and usually, I can stand up, change position (sometimes with assistance) and sit back down. Whoa.... People *cannot* deal with seeing that! It shatters every stereotype of a stereotype that they had. I get suspicious looks, giggles, sideways glances. At first I thought I was imagining it. It seems a shame to waste an audience, but I'm just not the performing type.
  • ImagineMDD wrote on Apr 10, 2009 at 2:05 PM
    I have a brother-in-law who, legend has it, originally grew his hair long, took to wearing a headband, and really changed the way he dressed overall as a 'people filter' just as you're saying. A friend of mine says the tattoo around her upper arm does something like that. My Mom used to say, "Don't let the turkeys get you down." I use a wheelchair only sometimes. I'm not a different person at all when I'm sitting there, but you're right. Some people just cannot handle being around you. When I am in a wheelchair, I'm at my worst and and usually, I can stand up, change position (sometimes with assistance) and sit back down. Whoa.... People *cannot* deal with seeing that! It shatters every stereotype of a stereotype that they had. I get suspicious looks, giggles, sideways glances. At first I thought I was imagining it. It seems a shame to waste an audience, but I'm just not the performing type.