I have to admit that I spend quite a bit of my day on Disaboom. I may not alway post anything but I look around, see what people have to say, and then occasionally post something when I feel like I have some relavant to say.
But it has come to my attention that I am always here. By my husband of course. Not that he really cares but his comment is usually "So what are they saying on your website today?" And then I notice that in normal everyday conversations with my family or friends I'll say "Hey on . . . Disaboom today . . . Its a really stupid name but its a great website . . . someone said this!" (Sorry, it really is a dumb name and I always have a slight pause before I have to vocalize the word, and then immediately apologize for having said it.) And its pretty much any time I have a conversation with someone, Disaboom almost always comes up.
So having realized this, I started to wonder why. I have several really good websites in my Bookmarks file. But not a single one gets visited every day. Why Disaboom? I think its because I really longed for a community of people who really honestly get me. The only non-disabled group of people that I can say fall into this catagory is my family and my best friend. But otherwise, in the world in general, I was an outsider. So to come to a place where I've found a part of something familiar is like a refreshing drink of water. Its not only that. I have never really been involved in the disability community anywhere I lived. So I never really knew anyone else with a disability. Well, I guess I sort of take that back. When I was in high school I rode the "short bus" with two other kids in wheelchairs. One was just like me - had a fairly good attitude about his situation, and it didn't hurt that he was drop dead gorgeous and girls flocked to him like crazy. We were like brother and sister friends so there was no attraction there on my part, just amused pride at the girls that sat on his lap and flirted with him like crazy.
The other was not like us. I blame most of his attitude on his mother. She was a piece of work - domineering, angry and fiercely protective of this poor fellow. Although I didn't realize it at the time, he had more problems than the fact that he pushed a manual wheelchair with one arm. Most likely effects of traumatic brain injury along with the fact that he almost died from loss of blood. But none the less, when you're 17 you're a little less forgiving of those like you. I was always raised to do what I could do on my own. So I developed that attitude that I didn't need anyone's help. This guy was all about the help. I remember one incident where I was heading to get on the bus to go home from school and this guy was just sitting there at the door. We had to be out at the bus at a certain time so that our bus could leave before the others. He was sitting waiting for someone to open the door for him. Even though I knew for a fact he could do it himself, he waited. I just wizzed past him and told him on the way out that I'd see him on the bus. It just angered me. Do what you could do, right? This is only a small incident among a long string of things I felt were what was wrong with some people in the disabled community. I didn't want to associate with people who just sat around complaining about how sucky their life was when I was just rolling forward getting on with mine.
I am now almost 15 years wiser that I was back then. Because of that attitude, I never availed myself of the opportunity to meet like-minded individuals for all those years. I was so busy trying to make others at ease with my disability I never got to know anyone else like me. So the need for community that everyone has was never met. Which brings me back to Disaboom.
I have learned so much since I joined in October of 2007. I have read things that have made me think, and been able to share information from my experience to hopefully help others. How I wish Disaboom had been around when I was pregnant with my daughter! Not that Judy from Through the Looking Glass wasn't helpful, but it would have been nice to chat with ladies with disabilities that had already been there and done that. Or when I first got married, and the realization that my parents or older siblings and friends couldn't help me understand what to do with my body when my husband and I became "man and wife". Or when I was a teenager and young adult. Wouldn't it have been nice to have other young people to complain to about boys and dating (or lack thereof) and the social scene in general?
So yes, in closing, I spend an awful lot of time on Disaboom, terrible name and all. I am grateful there is a place where someone knows my name, and they're always glad I came (well, most of the time anyway).
