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Posted on: Tue, Jun 2 2009 7:13 AM

Posted by: squabwithfibro Posts: 3,059

 More stuff.....filling my e mail box.  Maybe someone will get a chuckle.  I know I could use one or two.....

Excerpted from Laughter Is an Instant Vacation


When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. ~Mark Twain

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. ~Caroline Rhea

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. ~Lily Tomlin

I can resist everything except temptation. ~Oscar Wilde

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. ~Phyllis Diller

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. ~Calvin Trillin

Any more ammusing quotes anyone?

Posted on: Tue, Jun 2 2009 5:03 PM

Posted by: afo49guy Posts: 789

                                                                                                    ollie

Posted on: Tue, Jun 2 2009 5:21 PM

Posted by: jamie Posts: 491

 Laughed so hard I cried. They are all so true. Thank you for bringing in a ray of sunshine!!!!!!

Jamie

Posted on: Tue, Jun 2 2009 8:47 PM

Posted by: Cannoli Posts: 751

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100. Woody Allen

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. George Burns

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Erma Bombeck

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. W.C. Fields

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? Robin Williams--(from Mork and Mindy)

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. Rodney Dangerfield

Posted on: Tue, Jun 2 2009 8:53 PM

Posted by: squabwithfibro Posts: 3,059

 Good ones, Carol!  I'm still chuckling!  Hard to pick a fav.  they are all good.

Posted on: Tue, Jun 2 2009 8:55 PM

Posted by: jamie Posts: 491

 Oh Lordy, pain in my side from laughing!!!!! Keep them coming everybody!!!

Posted on: Wed, Jun 3 2009 10:57 AM

Posted by: Debbie Posts: 4,623

1. Jesus loves you, it's everybody else that thinks you're an ass.
     
   
2. Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh.
     
   
3. The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it IS on the list
     
   
4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
     
   
5. If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"
     
   
6. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
     
   
7. Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
     
   
8. Clones are people two.
     
   
9. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
     
   
10. Vegetarian: indian word for bad hunter
      
    
11. Help Wanted: Telepath; you know where to apply.
      
    
12. Fighting for peace is as smart as.... screwing for virginity
    1. "More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"
         
       
    2. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
         
       
    3. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
         
       
    4. Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor?
    5. Polynesia - memory loss in parrots
    6. 
       
    7. Corduroy pillows - they're making headlines

Posted on: Wed, Jun 3 2009 11:10 AM

Posted by: afo49guy Posts: 789

Debbie:

 

1. Jesus loves you, it's everybody else that thinks you're an ass.
     
   
2. Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh.
     
   
3. The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it IS on the list
      
       
   
4. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
       

 

Gonna have 1, 3. 4 printed on T shirt.

Gonna have 2 tattoed on brain.                               LMAO, ollie