If you want others to be
happy, practice compassion.
If you want to be happy, practice compassion. ~ Dalai Lama
(1935 - present)
Often a person becomes a caregiver by circumstance, when a baby is born with a
disability, a parent develops Alzheimer's, an adult child comes home from war
or a fully-able person develops a disabling condition. "More than 50
million people provide care for a chronically ill, disabled or aged family member
or friend during any given year, and 44% of them are men."* Being thrown
into this unfamiliar activity of caring for a family member, whether it be
full- or part-time, brings up a multitude of questions and feelings.
What needs to be done, and how should it be done? There are classes and tip
lists available. The person you are suddenly caring for is still your baby,
your parent, child or loved one who needs help with mobility, dementia, errands
or meals. "The value of the services family caregivers provide for 'free'
is estimated to be $257 billion a year. That is twice as much as is actually
spent on home care and nursing home services."* The National Family Care
Association has an even higher estimate. Wow.
In an article about Barbara Moscowitz, 2007 winner of the Kenneth B. Schwartz
Compassionate Caregiver Award, she emphasized the person needing care wants the
caregiver to "see past their walkers and hearing aids, their illnesses and
infirmities, to the human beings inside." That can be done by remembering
who the person was before the disability took hold, how the parent took care of
you, how the sibling laughed, remembering the hopes and plans for the baby
before being born with a severe disability.
Carers have to remember the people being cared for and why they started the
caring role in the first place. Sometimes that is difficult after a day of
cleaning, listening, guiding, feeding, and other taxing chores, and doing them
all with love. Caring for a family member can be emotionally and physically
draining, regardless of the age of the person needing care. Family caregivers
have a great incidence of depression, sleeplessness, back pain, and they are
likely to develop chronic illness themselves. Stress reduces the effectiveness
of the immune system.
We all remember that the person needing care likely had a life before. At the
same time, remember that caregivers also had their own lives before the extra
task of care giving was added. Being a person with a disability or a disabling
disease or condition is difficult and frustrating. Caring for that person is
also difficult and frustrating, with the added responsibility like taking away
the car keys or ensuring opportunity exists. It is the carer who ultimately
helps make life be as fair as it can be. It is both who struggle with new roles
and the new order of life.
There are stages as well as transitions in the care giving roles, requiring
balance and patience.
"There are four kinds
of people in this world: those who have been caregivers,
those who currently are caregivers, those who will be caregivers,
and those who will need caregivers." ~ Rosalynn
Carter**
To honor carers, November is National
Family Caregiver Month.
Notes:
*National Family Caregivers Association - caregiver
statistics
**Rural
Assistance Center
Other interesting links:
Well Spouse Association
- Spousal Caregiver support
Susanne Mintz - blog by National Family Caregiver
Association president, covering issues and presidential campaign
Compassionate
Caregiver - Site for caregivers of cancer patients, but others are welcome.
Provides stories, hints, ways to relax.
10 Steps for Compassionate Caregiving - Checklist for
nursing aids providing tips for how to do tasks.
5 Ways To Show You Care - blog on Multiple Sclerosis
Central by an MSer about her caregiver/husband. Be sure to check out the next
post, 5 Ways from the other point of view.
Filed under: Vicki's MS Path, caregiver, disability, disaboom, health, caretaker, care, caring, tips, disabled, wheelchair, respect, aging population, Vicki, carer, compassion
