One of the great things about alcohol is that it’s all-inclusive. Whether you’re a millionaire sipping 100 year old Scotch or a poor person drinking Listerine on the street corner, it makes people happy. The same goes if you’re disabled. I happen to be one of those people that can’t move their fingers, but hell, that doesn’t stop me from imbibing. Whether I ask the bartender for a straw, or get a glass with a ginormous handle to shove my paralyzed fingers into, I make sure there’s no road blocks between me and that sweet sweet buzz (do I sound like an alcoholic yet?).
But when someone says - “Let’s do a round of shots!” - I instantly freak. Will this be one of those bars with oversized shot glasses….should I pick up the shot glass with my mouth like I would if I were home alone doing shots (kidding that never happens). But I’m serious….how does one with no finger movement do a shot without looking completely ridiculous? How would you do it? Ever saw someone feed someone a shot? Not cool.
Ok, here’s how it’s done if God forbid you ever find yourself with non-working digits and a hankering for a Red Headed Slut: First, make sure the bartender doesn’t fill up the shot glass right at the brim. Second, you have to make the big decision: Should I use my mouth, or spend about 3 minutes trying to pick it up with my limp hand and try to precariously hold it? (I guess it depends what kind of a rush you’re in to start drinking). Usually, since I think it looks AWESOME, I like to use my mouth. Pick it up tightly with your lips, use the back of your hand to balance it, and throw your head back and drink.
At first I was embarrassed, wrapping my mouth around a glass that’s still on the bar, and picking it up like some determined Spring Breaker. That’s not always an image a girl like me should portray, right? But hell, I’m a quadriplegic. I have enough problems. I really shouldn’t care. And anyways, if you do it fast like me, only a couple of people might see it, greatly lessening any possible embarrassment. But on the same token, this is an impressive bar trick so maybe…..it’s all good? I can make someone’s night and put a smile on their face. Hells yes.
My quadriplegia has made me have to learn many things, a lot of shitty stuff, and a lot of good stuff too over the years. But I’m not going to complain about it teaching me new bar tricks. That would be blasphemous.
- Divinyls
Singer Chrissy Amphlett Confronts Multiple Sclerosis
- Kitchen
Accessories for the Accessible Home
- An
Amputee NASCAR Pit Crew Inspires Athletes with Disabilities
