Stories found around the web:
2008 promises a bumper crop of contenders for "The Stupid Awards!" These being, of course, the prizes given to people who do something remarkably stupid, but don't die or become sterile as a result, meaning they're ineligible for the
Darwin Awards, but still pretty darn stupid.
Stupidest Parent of 2008:As told by a medical student
"I am currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control centre. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.
"I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
"I told her that she had better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away."
Stupidest Thieving Employee of 2008:
"Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.
"Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Westpac Rescue Helicopter coming towards them.
"It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing."
Stupidest Crook of 2008:
"A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of Queensland, walked into the Branch and wrote this: 'Put all your muny in this bag.'
"While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window, so he left the Bank and crossed the street to the NAB Bank.
"After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of Queensland deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a NAB deposit slip or go back to Bank of Queensland.
"Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left. He was arrested a few minutes later as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of Queensland."
Stupidest Speeder of 2008 (and best sense of humor in a police department):
"A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.
"He later received in the mail a ticket for $140 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $140.
"Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $140."
Worst Partner in Crime of 2008:
A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the startled bandit shot him.
Stupidest Vandal of 2008:
Perth, WA: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window. The brick bounced back, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Flexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
Stupidest Rural Neighbor of 2008:
As told by a rancher:
"I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Cattle Crossing sign on our road.
"The reason: 'Too many Cattle are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'"
Stupidest Fast Food Employee of 2008:
As told by a father:
"My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
"He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg."
Foot-in-Mouth Award for 2008:
As told by someone now polishing up his resume
"I was at a send-off luncheon for an old and dear co-worker. She was leaving the company due to' down sizing.' Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.'
"Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with amazement."
