Sarcasm, Charity, and Power

 

“A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity is the bone shared with the dog, when you are just as hungry as the dog.”  ~Jack London

 

I had the strangest experience today.  I have had many detailed conversations with friends about the different “models” of disability.  There is the medical model that tells us that disability is a biological harm or abnormality that should be fixed, there is the much more favored social model that tells us that the harm of disability is social and the way to mitigate is through political action, and there is the cultural model that sees disability as a culture or way of life unto itself that should be celebrated with defiant pride.  Today, sitting in the East Lansing McDonald’s (it’s a hulking, 2 story 24 hour deal covered in MSU colors and symbols, quite impressive) I had a very strange run in with what is known as the charity model.  I had just finished my lunch, and was starting to pull my hoodie over my head and venture out into the crisp Michigan autumn, when the male member of an older couple that had been not-so-subtly staring at me the entire time decided to strike up a conversation.  It went something like this:

 

Old Man (OM):  “Hey, you need help with that?”

 

Joe:  *thinks: “oh yes, I brought this hoodie all the way across town to McDonalds in the hope that some old guy would help me get it on”  *says: “no thanks, I’ve got it under control.”*

 

OM:  “It sure is cold out there, you should have a heavier coat.”

 

Joe: *thinks: “You’re cold because you are weak and your skin is thinning, old man.  I’m gonna go beat my chest and eat some bacon and watch some rugby.”  *says: “It’s not bad yet, but it will be soon.”

 

OM:  “Ha! You should move down south where it’s warm.”

 

Joe: *thinks: “I think you are confused.  You are the one that is looking into retirement communities.”  *says: “I’m used to the cool weather, I grew up in Connecticut.”

 

OM: “Are you an MSU student?”

 

Joe: *thinks: “Nope, I am carrying these books around campus for the exercise, I eat McDonald’s every day and need a way to burn calories.”  *says: “Yeah, I study philosophy.”

 

Old Woman (OW):  “I went to MSU and so did my brothers.”

 

Joe:  *thinks: “You and 88% of the population of Michigan.”  *says: “cool.”

 

OM:  “So who gave you that cart? Did the government give it to you?” (referring to my motorized wheelchair)

 

Joe: *thinks: “I made it out of twigs and twine and chewing gum.  I am a gnome. We are mechanical geniuses.”  *says:  “health insurance.”

 

OM:  “MSU is expensive. What about that? Who is paying for that?”

 

Joe:  *thinks: “Look you old (expletive), if you are so eager for me to take a had-out, how about if I meet you here every day and you can pay for my value meal.”  *says:  “I’m on scholarship.”

 

OW: “What about housing, who pays for that?”

 

Joe:  *thinks: “Why? Do you have an extra room?  You can make me fish sticks for dinner and then we can get drunk on schnapps and watch Wheel of Fortune.”  *says:  “It’s a very good scholarship.  I need to get to the library.  It was nice meeting you both.”

 

OM:  “Do you need help with the door?”

 

Joe: *thinks: “I’m Yoda’s 3^rd cousin.  I’ll just use the force.”  *says:  “Thanks, but I’m set.”

 

All kidding aside, why is it that some people have an almost aggressive NEED for crips to be the subject of charity?!  I have had government help before in various forms that has “leveled the playing field” a bit for me, but this guy thought I should need help with everything from the beginning to the end of conversation.  At times, he almost seemed personally offended that I was independent and unstereotypical!

 

I don’t mean to spurn the good will of the kind, empathetic, compassionate people that I come across every day.  However, some people respond with overzealous charity because they have a need to assert their power and superiority over me.  It makes them feel powerful to “help those less fortunate.”  It’s like they need to throw me a bone to keep me in my place as a dog.