I just can’t understand why it’s so hard to be happy. Look around, we live in a great country. Most of us have food, shelter, decent health and are no kin to Michael Jackson. That, in and of itself, is cause for joy. Yet we spend the majority of our days griping about work, gossiping about friends, whining about how unfair life is. Boo hoo.
We should just be high on life. Although I have to admit that a new car, a boat and a fresh set of golf clubs could put anybody in a better mood. I mean, money may not be able to buy you happiness, but it can get you to the Caribbean, where you can escape the cesspool of life’s headaches. (Personally, I’ve always found that a pina colada sipped while lying on the beach next to a babe has me beating on nirvana’s door.) But I digress. You can still be very happy without material things, you just can’t show off.
If I may be spiritual for a moment: I find that happiness is directly tied to gratitude. Everyday I give thanks that I have a car. Public transportation is a downer. A scruffy guy eyeing your breasts on your way to work can ruin your day, especially if you’re a man. I’m also thankful for Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. Whenever I score free stuff, I’m happy. But, most of all, I’m thankful that I have a beautiful, fluffy kitty cat whose fur I can rub my face in.
Now here’s a tale of gratitude: Remember the man who didn’t have any shoes, then he met a man who didn’t have any feet and felt more grateful? But hey, even the guy with no feet is ahead of the game: He doesn’t have to clip his toenails, or worry about what shoes go with what outfit.
I find that there’s nothing worse than being around sad people. You tend to sneak a peak at your watch more often, all the while contemplating a clever excuse to get away. I have a friend who’s always complaining, telling me how bad his life is and how everyone hates him. He feels it’s impossible to be happy. Then he seeks my advice:
“You’re always up,” he says. “You’re always happy. How do you do it?”
I tell him, “There are so many things going wrong. I feel the world is against me. I think I’m a loser, and my life sucks. But then, I look at your life and I feel so much better! Hey, it works for me.
True happiness is harder to achieve because we greedy pigs always want more: A bigger house, more money, a fluffier cat…
We say, “Gimme what that guy has… and double it. Super size me, baby!”
Can’t we just be happy with what we have? The short answer is “No.” The longer answer is “No way.” My guess is that peer pressure is to blame. It started with the caveman. Thor came home with a Saber-Tooth tiger. Then, his neighbors one-upped him with a Wooly Mammoth, which threw the pressure back on Thor to bring home a Wooly Mammoth, too.
When life becomes a contest, everybody loses, which leads back to unhappiness. Look, we all want a Wooly Mammoth, but we shouldn’t we be able to be satisfied with a Saber Tooth tiger or even a chipped piece of flint?
I believe happiness is a choice, and we always have choices: Mild or hot. Stripes or plaid. Fox or CNN. Still, happiness takes effort. You really have to look on the bright side. For instance, when it’s raining, be happy that you don’t have to pay your illegal immigrant gardener to water your grass. You can now take that cash and buy a small (tall) Starbucks coffee and a muffin.
So, what’s the key to happiness? It’s taking the time to look at your life. If you look carefully, you’ll find you have everything you need to be happy. Most of us are not starving, as evidenced by all the chubby children running around with diabetes. These kids are happy because they can loaf around, listening to their IPODS, while their parents are happy because the kids are around to provide them with free tech support on the family computer.
You can find happiness in any situation. When it comes time to paying your bills, do it with a smile. If you don’t have the money in your account, hit up your parents to cover your broke butt. This is great because assisting others makes people happy, so you’re really helping your parents to be happier. Go ahead, take them for everything you can, because you care about their well-being.
The Chinese have a saying, which translated goes something like: When things are inevitable, you might as well enjoy them. Since living is inevitable why not enjoy it? When it’s all said and done and you’re sitting in your rocking chair in your diaper, you want to be able to say, “I did it all with a smile.”
Right now, I’m happy that I finally finished writing this garbage.
