I have debated for weeks if I should mention this or not but I have to let some things out and this seems like the only safe place I can find to write so here goes... I wonder if anyone lives with this kind of problem. Since my husband left me I have lived at home and I can not safely live here anymore. My Mom is my caregiver and I hate to say it but she ain't right. I personally think she is mentally ill. All my life she has kept strict control on me and I mean strict. She is verbally and emotionally abusive. I suspect she has some munchusen by proxy because she loves the attention she gets. Everyone thinks she is wonderful and she loves me so much. People have even called her a saint. She has two personalities, her outside one and inside one. I know for a fact she thinks she is better than me because I am disabled and she is not. Everything I say and I mean everything she will comment on usually to contridict me. We have had the stupidest, screaming arguements because I dare to insist I am right. One perfect example, we had a fight about Africa I said it was a continent and she insisted it was a country. It did not matter when I reminded her I had been in Africa twice. I was there and still she insisted she was right. A few weeks later my husband happened to say how Americans think Africa is a country but it's a continent. The fact my husband was born and raised there may be the reason she didn't argue. I know she doesn't respect me at all because I am disabled. She does not want me to get medical help and she has even lied to my doctors and PT's just so they will give up on me. The last time I was at my new cardiologist she told him, I "have led a good life". Yes past tense. she told him I have even been to Morocco. She didn't mention she made me miss my first flight and fought me for weeks about going there. I had to pay over 2k because she made me miss the flight. When I was planning my trip in frustration I asked her don't I deserve even the least little bit of happiness? She immediately snapped "NO". She really believes that too. "I have led a good life" I realized then shes ready for me to die why because she's getting to where she can't take care of me and shes sure no one else can or even wants to take care of me. She also believe we have to be exactly alike so she mirrors me and when I do something to be different from her she hates it. The only reason why she does not spank me anymore is because she knows I will report her again. At home shes a screaming control freak and unfortunately I am the only one that defends myself, My Dad just grits his teeth and bares it or cowers in silence but the family thinks I am terrible because I shout. She doesn't want my family to love me there is so much more to say she really is nuts and dangerous. I know for a fact she has made a 93 year old lady with dementia cry several times because my mom has to be right about everything. Example its saturday but the lady says its monday but mom keeps insisting its saturday until the poor lady is crying. Mom does that to me almost daily. I am honestly afraid of her but she will not let me go. She will not let me live with any happiness or dignity. I'm crying now. Several times I have had to ask her to hide my medicine so I won't try to kill myself. I have also started making myself vomit again. I was bulimic back in high school and I don't want to start that again. Of course, she is strongly opposed to me getting any counseling shes afraid I will tell the truth about her. I don't know what to do but know one should have to live like this, this isn't living but hey I have led a full life.
