I've only lived in two cities for any extended amount of time in my life: Denver, Colorado and Danville, Kentucky. This is the first year in four I haven't travelled to Denver from Danville for Christmas break, and my very first "real world" Christmas, and I'm feeling kind of nostalgic about it. Therefore, I bring you, in list form, the differences between Denver and Danville.
Denver: You're on the light rail and you realize that the people in front of you are speaking English, the ones next to you are speaking Spanish, and the ones behind you are speaking Arabic.
Danville: You're in a restaurant and you realize that the people at the table of six next to you aren't being silent like you thought, but are engaging in some serious rapid-fire signing.
Denver: It's all about the Broncos.
Danville: It's all about whatever sport UK's decided to be good at this year.
Denver: 300 days of sunlight a year.
Danville: 300 days of higher than 85% humidity a year.
(Photo credit: Frenkieb)
Denver: North is "mountains to the left."
Danville: North is "Northside."
(Photo credit: Rob Ireton)
Denver: Bluegrass is what people need to quit putting in their lawns.
Danville: Bluegrass is a way of life.
Denver: Everybody has an automated sprinkler system.
Danville: Everybody has a riding mower, no matter the size of their lawn.
(Photo credit: *Karen)
Denver: I say "Danville, Kentucky" and people say "Oh, there's a Denver in Kentucky too?"
Danville: I say "Denver, Colorado" and people say "Oh, there's a Danville in Colorado too?"
Denver: String Cheese Incident.
Danville: Billyblues.
Denver: Microbreweries.
Danville: Distilleries.
Denver: Colfax.
Danville: The bypass.
Denver: Shotgun Willie's.
Danville: Shotguns.
(Photo credit: Me!)
Denver: Ranches.
Danville: Farms.
Denver: "Shooting practice" means "prairie dogs in the horse field."
Danville: "Shooting practice" means "cans off the top of that rusted car."
Denver: Too big to walk everywhere, but you could do it if you wanted to.
Danville: Everything's within walking distance, but between the lack of sidewalk maintenance, the bypass, and the way people drive, there's no way you could walk everywhere, let alone make it everywhere using anything with wheels.
Denver: Whenever there's a wildfire in the Front Range, you get to deal with the smoke.
Danville: Whever there's a hurricane in Florida, you get to deal with a week of rain as it dissipates.
Denver: Takes a foot of snow to shut the city down.
Danville: Three inches of snow and nobody knows what to do. Centre, however, stays open because they didn't close for the Civil War even when there was a battle raging not ten miles away, and a little bit of snow isn't going to stop them.
(Photo credit: ldanderson)
Denver: "Last rest stop for 50 miles."
Danville: "Last liquor store for 50 miles."
Denver: Democratic National Convention, 2008.
Danville: Vice-presidential debate, 2000. (The Secret Service loved having it in Danville because they could close off the whole county with three cars.)
Denver: Canadian geese.
Danville: Starlings.
(Photo credit: Me again)
Denver: You laugh at Danville's definition of "mountains."
Danville: You laugh at Denver's definition of "rivers."
Denver: Gigantic SUVs.
Danville: Gigantic pickup trucks.
Denver: Loads and loads of bookstores, and only a handful of tanning salons.
Danville: Two bookstores, but at least twenty tanning salons.
And finally:
Denver: A red light means three more people can go through.
Danville: A red light means some out-of-stater is using his turn signals!
(Photo credit: Thomas Hawk)
(Want more funny? Try Feline Physics.)
