One week from today is July 4th, a day of
fireworks, patriotism, and a holiday from work in celebration of independence.
Many people participate in some sort of outdoor food fest on the fourth, from
picnics to barbeques. In honor of this, after some extensive web research I’ve
come up with a list of “Top Five Products You’d Get Weird Looks for Bringing to
an Outdoor Gathering.”
1) Food Art – Half of the appeal of food is its appearance…Hence,
the desire to make aesthetically pleasing dishes. In my mind, though, there’s a
difference between some carefully placed olives, and food endeavors that are
too “creative.” In other words, food made to look like animals, people, and the
most creep-tastic, a baby alien (actually, I’m not even sure if that’s what it
is, but that is my best guess). I mean, just imagine the scenario:
As weird as it would be to dig a spoon into the face of this
cute little rice bear:
Imagine the silent stares and shifted eyes if you proudly
placed half a watermelon with baby alien morphing out of it. Who wants the
first bite? Yum…
2) Bread Art – So yes, the baby watermelon alien is creepy. But,
imagine if you could wander over to the local bakery and pick up a head, or a
foot…made of bread. While this seems like the perfect case to call shenanigans,
such is the case at a bread shop in Thailand. Just try explaining your purchase
to your friends: “What, you told me to bring the bread! I thought this looked
cool. Guys?...Guys?”
3) Meat’n’Taters…in a Cone – One of the difficulties of an
outdoor gathering, especially a picnic, can be finding food that’s easy to
transport, easy (aka reduced mess factor) to eat, etc. The question remains:
What’s a typical meat and potato-lovin’ American to do? A possible solution: I
present you meat’n’taters a la ice cream cone. You scoop the potatoes, peas,
gravy and meat into a cone, and you have an easily edible meal-on-the-go.
Sounds delicious…right? You’d be the hit of the party. Besides, regular ice
cream would just melt and drip all over the place anyways.
4) Oranges – It may seem strange to list oranges as an item, but
you’d get weird looks if you arrived with a box of oranges and tried to
re-enact Italy’s Battle
of the Oranges. Yes, multiple countries in Europe have massive outdoor food-fighting
fests, and Italy is one of them. Maybe with a little advance notice your friends
and family would be keen on the idea, but to arrive slinging oranges and
yelling about the demise of rebels may not be the best plan of attack.
5) Calvin and Hobbes Re-enactments – Finally, another awkward
re-enactment would be channeling a favorite childhood comic, Calvin and Hobbes.
How so? Bringing a dish that looks like a big green glob (what was that stuff,
anyways?!) and warning people to stay away so that it doesn’t come alive on the
picnic table and eat them is the definition of awkward. Look it up in the
dictionary (or not, but still).
If I just managed to quash all your food fest dreams with a
single blow, you could always resort to wearing a white suit, holding afternoon
tea, and flying the Union Jack.
Wait a minute…
